I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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