how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
