The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
