I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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