I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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