I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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