Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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