It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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