Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
