All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize