If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
