lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
