Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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