it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
