genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
