I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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