then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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