wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
