it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
