remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
