Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
