whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Porn is love you can see.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
