I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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