I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
