is your mom at the bar?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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