You smell like stripper and shame
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
