About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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