____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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