I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
