What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Pooping to opera.
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