I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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