He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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