Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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