Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
