I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
