So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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