I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Houston, we have a squirter
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize