Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
