Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
