i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Everything about him screamed your future.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
