I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
