yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
