i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
should my penis look like a turkey
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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