I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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