he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
