You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize