I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
