At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
