Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i out mim tonsoeep
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
