I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
did i walk over a car last night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
