he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
