Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize