he wants to bone in the snuggie
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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