i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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