They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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