upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
