you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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