I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize