She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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