So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
