Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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