Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
