in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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