if only i could text you this smell
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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