I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
