i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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