He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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