college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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