I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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