Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
