I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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