dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
