why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable