I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
