just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
