I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?