How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
