I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads