I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?