I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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