I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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