youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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