I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
