What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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