btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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