Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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