Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
