i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I AM VODKA MAN
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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