I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
