Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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