I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
