I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
